Our Best Cracker Jokes 2026
Here at The Cracker Company, we take crackers very seriously, perhaps too seriously. However, this all changes when we get to the jokes…
What makes a good cracker joke though? Surely cracker jokes aren’t meant to be funny, are they? Aren’t they are just meant to be bad? Really bad, ideally! They are akin to a true Dad joke but probably shorter and more corny… Truth be told, many of the same jokes have been churned for years but this is part of the fun of a cracker, with some new jokes thrown in!
They should never be current or topical, it’s imperative that they are corny, often retro and resulting in exclamations of how bad they are!
We know that sometimes they are replaced with fascinating (not!) facts, charades (oh no!) or quiz questions (always obscure and often out of date!) but we really do all expect them to contain a joke that we can groan at when it’s read. That’s part of the tradition of Christmas…
Who Writes Our Cracker Jokes?
Who knows! Anyone…
Some of our cracker jokes are old favourites, some have been shared with us by one-line comedians (at least, they think they are!) and others have come from our customers, colleagues, friends and family.
The sticky jokes below and the “Brown & Sticky” jokes below, we developed from the classic, “What’s brown and sticky?” – “A stick!” – so now you can have a full set of stick related cracker jokes. Yes really!
The “Ham it Up!” set of cracker jokes came from the boss’s (adult!) son, Lewis, who thought them up at a barbeque – does that mean it was a good barbeque or not? You decide!
Retro Cracker Jokes
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the old favourites…
Here's a few of our groan-worthy vintage wots cracker jokes:
- What lays at the bottom of the sea and shakes?
- A nervous wreck!
- What do you call a deer with no eyes?
- No idea!
- What’s brown and sticky?
- A stick!
- Why do you put candles on top of a birthday cake?
- Because they won’t go on the bottom!
Most of our cracker making kits include jokes, which will be a selection of generic jokes that are not specific to any theme or event. You may wish to change these or even add your own.
To help you think about the options, we have included below our favourite joke from each of the joke packs that we offer. Enjoy but we did warn you that they’re not meant to be funny!
C’mon Share Your Jokes!
Do you have any jokes to share for 2027?
We love to hear your favourite jokes and, if we include them on our 2027 sheets, we will send you a downloadable file to print the set that it is included in.
Please share your cracker jokes here.
Buying Cracker Jokes
Every year we introduce more joke sheets for everyone but, specifically, for our regular customers who are working their way through our huge existing range…
If you’d like to take a look at our selection, you can view the full range here.
Downloadable and Printable Cracker Jokes
All of our cracker jokes are printed on premium paper and card, either in full colour or black, to give you a polished and professional finish. Our premium joke sheets are pre-cut with rounded corners, ready for you to gently push out – these will give you a really polished finish.
However, we do understand that lots of people would like to download these and print them at home – and save the postage… With this in mind, we have a selection of our most popular cracker joke sets available to purchase as a printable file.
If you’d like to take a look at our selection of printable joke sheets, you can view the full range here.
Cracker Making Accessories
Of course, we also offer everything else that you will need for you cracker making projects, including kits, cracker filler gifts, hats, snaps and ribbons.
If you don’t want to make your own crackers, we have a great range of fill your own crackersready-made crackers too.
Premium Cracker Jokes
Most of our jokes are printed in black on white paper, in the traditional style.
However, we have introduced a collection of brightly printed jokes, which have proved very popular at a time when everyone is looking for something more modern and with a different twist.
Our traditional style jokes all need to be cut from the sheet. However, our premium cracker jokes are precut with rounded corners, for a polished finish, and just need gently pushing out of the sheet.
We have taken the most popular jokes from our traditional style joke sheets and edited these into new collections.
- Why do seagulls live by the sea?
- Because if they lived in the bay, they'd be bagels!
Why not take a look at our full range of premium cracker joke sheets here.
Of course we’d start at Christmas, as this is when most crackers are pulled. We know that crackers aren’t just for Christmas, they’re great for all the other celebrations in life too, but let’s start with this perennial bad joke…
- What never eats Christmas dinner?
- The turkey, it’s stuffed!
Take a look at our full range of Christmas cracker jokes here and our huge collection of Christmas cracker making sets here too.
Risque Christmas Cracker Jokes for Adults
Are your guests all adults this Christmas? If so, our risque Christmas jokes might be something a bit different, for the right crowd of course! Perhaps not our favourite but less risque for this page is:
- What do you call a smelly Santa?
- Farter Christmas!
Take a look at our full range of adult themed cracker jokes here and our collection of risque cracker filler gifts here too.
Dirty Christmas Cracker Jokes for Adults
Would you like to take the Christmas jokes a bit further than risque? Go for the shock factor perhaps? This is definitely a niche space, but we try to cater for everyone. So here goes, the cleanest is below with apologies in advance!
- Have you heard about Rocket the Brown Nosed Reindeer?
- He can run as fast as Rudolph but he just can’t stop as fast!
Take a look at our full range of adult themed cracker jokes here.
Birthday Cracker Jokes for Adults
So, who says that adults can’t have a birthday party and crackers? Not us, for sure! It doesn’t matter if it’s a big milestone birthday or just one of the run-of-the-mill ones, in between – birthdays are a great excuse to pull a cracker. Of course, you don’t want to pull them and be greeted by a Christmas joke, so here’s one of our adult birthday jokes to give you a taster.
- You know you’re getting old when you go to an auction and people start bidding on you!
Look at our full range of birthday cracker jokes here and our collection of birthday cracker making sets here too.
At the top of this page, we have said that “what’s brown and sticky?” is one of the old favourites. Of course, as you know, it’s “a stick!”. We’re not the ones to let that stick lie and have stretched this joke to within an inch of its life… It works well, as it really gets people thinking and then groaning and throwing their eyes to the sky!
- What’s brown and sticky?
- A sticky brown thing!
Take a look at our full range of unique cracker jokes here.
Cheeky Old People Cracker Jokes
Perhaps another one for birthdays, especially for those of us who are advancing in years! It’s impolite to let a birthday, with a high number, pass without being rude about age, isn’t it? Perhaps it’s just us, which is why we don’t get many birthday invites…
- These are not grey hairs. These are wisdom highlights. I happen to be very wise!
Look at our full range of birthday cracker jokes here and our collection of milestone birthday cracker making sets here too.
Another occasion when crackers are really popular is Easter. Whether it be for Easter Sunday lunch, an egg hunt or other Easter celebration, people will really remember your Easter crackers as something different.
- Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested by Easter eggs?
- She had to call and eggs-terminator!
Take a look at our full range of Easter cracker jokes here and our Easter themed cracker making sets here too.
Well, how rude! Again, perhaps niche but these will certainly give your guests a surprise! These are probably suitable for teenagers too – but you probably need to be the judge of that one…
- What’s invisible and smells like worms?
- A bird’s fart!
Look at our full range of adult themed cracker jokes here and our range of funny cracker filler gifts here too.
Obviously, we weren’t going to leave things at fart jokes, we needed to bring a collection of the best poo jokes together too! We’ll leave you to decide if they are suitable for your audience!
- Poo jokes aren’t my favourite.
- They’re definitely a solid number two though!
Look at our full range of adult themed cracker jokes here and our risque cracker filler gifts here too.
So, this is what it’s really all about…
A Dad joke is often longer than a cracker joke, so we have curated some of the shorter ones for those who love a good (bad!) dad joke. Aren’t they usually a play on words? This one definitely is:
- Did you hear about the really successful scarecrow?
- He was outstanding in his field!
Look at our full range of very unfunny Dad jokes for crackers here and our dad themed cracker filler gifts here too.
Christmas Dad Jokes for Crackers
We especially love a dad joke at Christmas, so we have edited a special collection of jokes for everyone to groan at on a Christmas theme.
- Why did the Christmas tree have to give up knitting?
- It kept losing it’s needles!
Take a look at our full range of Christmas cracker jokes here and our funny cracker filler gifts here too.
We’re a family business and Lewis curated these for us. Not one for the vegetarians and vegans but we do cater for non-meat eaters later. These are all jokes about meat products that come from pigs, great if you’re having pork at your celebration meal.
Random? Yes, that’s what we’re all about… And this has been a surprising frontrunner with our most popular cracker jokes.
- What do you call a pig with an allergy?
- Pork scratchings!
Take a look at our full range of unique cracker jokes here.
Thanks for this collection, Dale. We know you didn’t do it willingly but no one else here is sporty!
We cover all the sports here, like a pentathlon around sports themed cracker jokes…
- What did the racehorse say when it fell?
- I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
Look at our full range of cracker jokes here and our sport themed cracker filler gifts here too.
Our dog design crackers are always one of our most popular, so we have created some dog jokes to go with them. Remember, if your dog doesn’t like bangs – you can take a look at our snapless cracker page or our keepsake crackers – both of which are super pet friendly.
- Did you hear about the dog that got a job at The Ritz?
- He was a labra-doorman!
View our full range of pet themed cracker jokes here and our pet themed cracker making sets here too.
Our cat design crackers are always popular, not just with mad-cat parents, or cat-mad even, so we have created some cat jokes to go with them. Remember, if your cat doesn’t like bangs – you can take a look at our snapless cracker page here or our keepsake crackers here – both of which are super pet friendly.
- If lights run on electricity and cars run on fuel, what do cats run on?
- Their paws!
View our full range of pet themed cracker jokes here and our pet themed cracker filler gifts here too.
As a nation we all love animals, so we thought that we would create a collection of animal themed jokes to recognise this. It’s like a trip around Noah’s Ark with these jokes – there are definitely no unicorns here either!
- Why was the baby snake sad?
- Someone took it’s rattle!
View our full range of animal and pet themed cracker jokes here and our pet and animal themed cracker making sets here too.
Spooky Halloween Cracker Jokes
We are seeing an increasing number of people enjoying crackers at Halloween. You don’t need a roomful of people to celebrate Halloween, just a gathering around a well styled table works as well. Then, just add some crackers for that extra bang and joke, of course!
- What do you call a chicken that haunts your house?
- A poultry-geist!
See our full range of special occasion cracker jokes here and our Halloween themed DIY cracker kits here too.
Tipsy Time, Drink Themed Cracker Jokes
The chances are that, if you drink, then you will be having a small bevvy on a special occasion – maybe the same special occasion as you will be enjoying your hand made crackers. If so, why not carry the tipsy time theme into your crackers with our drink themed cracker jokes.
Even the sober ones amongst your guests will appreciate them – or not, as they are cracker jokes!
- A bee goes into a bar. It comes out two hours later, buzzing!
Take a look at our full range of adult themed cracker jokes here.
We have introduced these jokes for occasions when you have lots of kids together, perhaps even a child’s birthday party. Approved by the children, nieces and nephews of our team, there’s nothing adult on these, they are all totally child friendly but hopefully not boring!
- Where do cows go on Friday nights?
- The moo-vies!
Look at our full range of kids’ cracker jokes here and our kids party DIY cracker making kits here too.
Laughing at Food Cracker Jokes
Food is at the middle of so many celebrations and special occasions, so we thought that we would bring together a collection of food themed jokes to go inside your handmade crackers. Perhaps you could add a foodie themed gift too…
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
- Nacho cheese!
Plant Based & Vegan Cracker Jokes
Are you having a meat free event or do you have some guests that are either plant based, vegetarian or vegan? If so, our other food-based jokes may not be suitable, so we have created this collection of plant-based jokes especially for those guests.
- What’s the best way to keep milk fresh?
- Leave it in the cow!
Look at our full range of unique cracker joke collections here, together with our plant based, vegan and vegetarian DIY cracker kits here too.
The Retro Ones – Cracker Jokes
As they say, the “oldies are the best ones” and cracker jokes are no exception to this logic. In fact, we think they should be the old classics that we have all heard since we were kids, so that our kids can be appalled by them too!
This collection will be all the jokes that you have heard forever, try to forget but expect to get in your crackers when you pull them!
- What do you call a fly without wings?
- A walk!
Sere our full range of traditional cracker jokes here.
Mottoes, Conversation Starters and Jokes for Weddings
Wedding crackers are so popular and we often create bespoke wedding motto sheets for our customers. However, we also offer a selection of curated collections, which are ready to use in your wedding cracker making.
This includes wedding thank you mottoes, which all feature the same phrase “Thank you for helping us to celebrate our wedding day”.
We also have collections of wedding day mottoes, which include jokes and conversations starters in each set. We have a set for bride & groom, bride & bride and also groom & groom weddings. We have chosen a few below for you.
- Two aerials got married.
- The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant!
- Don’t ever laugh at your partner’s choices.
- After all, you were one of them!
- It’s been an emotional day.
- Even the cake’s in tiers!
Look at our full range of wedding cracker jokes here and our wedding cracker making sets here too.
Conversation Starters for Wedding & Event Crackers
If you have a group of people that are going to be sat together and don’t all know each other, then this set of conversation starters, designed for you to add to your crackers will be sure to break the ice. Add a joke too, if you want to go for belt-and-braces!
- If you own the lottery, what would be the first thing that you would buy?
Take a look at our full range of cracker mottoes and jokes here.
Following many requests, we have included a range of charades in our “cracker jokes” collection. We have a set of generic charades and a set of Christmas charades, to cover any occasion.
- Sweet Caroline (song)
- Guess How Much I Love You (book)
- I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas (song)
- All I want for Christmas is You (song)
Take a look at our full range of cracker jokes and charades here.
Interesting Facts for Crackers
And it doesn’t stop there.
As customers request new options, then we make them available. We have introduced a collection of interesting facts and, separately, a collection of Christmas interesting facts. We think they’re interesting anyway!
- Hot water will turn into ice faster than cold water.
- Identical twins don’t have the same fingerprints.
- Jingle Bells was the first song ever played in space, in 1965 on the Gemini 6A space flight.
- Bing Crosby’s version of White Christmas is the highest selling single of all time.
Look at our full range of Christmas cracker jokes and fun facts here.
Positive Affirmations for Crackers
At The Cracker Company, we totally support the open dialogue for men, women and kids alike on mental health and wellbeing. Positive affirmations are an important part of this, and we have followed this through into a set of mottoes for your Christmas cracker making.
- A ship is safe in a harbour. But that is not what ships are for!
- Your worth does not depend on other people's opinions of you.
View our full range of affirmation cracker mottoes here and our affirmation cracker fillers here too.
Not Quite Affirmations for Crackers!
Of course, although we take mental health and wellbeing seriously, there is always humour – even in the most serious things. With this in mind, we have curated a collection of affirmations, which are, perhaps, less positive and a more tongue-in-cheek…
- Sometimes you meet someone and you know from the first moment that you want to spend your whole life without them!
- If life gives you melons, you might have dyslexia!
View our full range of funny jokes and affirmations here.
